Sunday, December 15, 2013

Why I'm happy to be called The Resistance Whisperer

Monty Roberts is my hero.
When someone at one of my WriteSpeak retreats in 2009 called me the Resistance Whisperer I loved it and I knew there was truth in it. I learned everything I know about resistance the same way Monty Roberts learned what really goes on with horses: I watched for a very long time, with complete attention and deep respect. I trusted 'what is' and not what my culture told me 'should be.'

He knew horses didn't need to be 'broken,' and proved he was right. I know that overcoming resistance has nothing to do with will power and I prove I'm right every time I run a Resistance Workshop.

History of Resistance Workshops done on the telephone.

It all began with a plan to do one telephone workshop on July 20. (I had August set aside to write the proposal for my next book.) But the people who were supposed to be running it used some kind of new recording devices, and didn't expect over 150 people to pour in, and the result was a fine disaster the night of July 20, 2013. No telephone workshop.

Whoever contacted me got rain checks and was asked to do their best to get refunds, and if they couldn't, they'd get the teleworkshop for free. Throughout August, I wrote everyone I could find and answered all emails, trying to straighten everything out. Everyone I corresponded with was just terrific. They put in a lot of effort trying to get their refunds but most people never got them. In fact, only 1 person got a refund for sure and I think that was a mistake. (Did you know that paypal doesn't consider any real unless it fits into a box? That's true! That's what they told everyone! No refunds from them.) And the people who didn't deliver the workshop I had promised kept all the money.

You don't spend decades showing that you can be trusted and allow that kind of situation to stand, so even though it ate up all of August (I'm only starting to write my book proposal this week - and that's not an excuse! :-)) I did everything I could to get in touch with the people who had signed up for the original teleworkshop. However the people who kept the money also kept the mailing list, so I had no way of knowing who had signed up.

But you know what? I'm actually glad it happened. I got to know a lot of great people. It was more satisfying than I could have expected. 

 I wrote and answered personally a lot of emails and then, on the last day of August and twice in September, with the deft help of my Hero Techie, Patty Newbold, I ran 3 Telephone Workshops to deliver what I had promised. I think the general consensus was that I delivered what was promised and I got a lot of great emails afterwards. One of these days I'll go find them and put a few right here for you to see. I'm proud of them.

And then I did more Resistance Telephone Workshops
I even did a second round. I didn't want to repeat my lecture - in fact I hoped I wouldn't do a lecture at all, just work with individuals on the phone. I know from emails I get later that lots of people who did no more than quietly listen were feeling emotions as well, and working their way through big blocks right along with those I was talking to.

But I did an opener anyway, mostly about the resistance to happiness and success.

I haven't scheduled more yet, but I will.

Here's how they work:

First we announce the date of the next Resistance Teleclass in a newsletter. If you're not on my mailing list, head over to and you'll see the sign up place on the bottom of the home page.

You can also head over to right now and you'll know whatever you need to know.

Then you sign up and receive your link to the private page for that date. There you'll find the instructions for what number to call, access codes, and a place to ask questions and leave comments. (You can - usually - call in for free from anywhere in the world with Skype.)

On the right date we have our two-hour TeleWorkshop.  If you can't join us, the recording is posted on the same page, usually in less than an hour, and available to you for 90 days.

For about 45 minutes or an hour I talk about Resistance and explain a very different (and waaay better) theory than any other I know of. It's impossible to be modest. Getting this knowledge has taken decades of experience. Learning to distinguish between what sounds good in theory and what actually works, is what matters.

And then, when I'm through with the lecture, we go to work on resistance problems.
That's when the fun begins.  The rest of the 2-hour session is taken up with solving individual problems.

I love it. People have different versions of where and when they resist doing things they long to do. Their stories are fascinating. I ask questions, we talk, and I can hear people in the background quietly responding (occasionally sniffling) because they're getting eye-openers too. I ask for more questions, get great ones, and talk to as many people as I can.

What happens to the people who didn't have time to talk or ask their questions? During or after the teleclass, they head over to that private page and start typing comments, asking their questions (or offering great answers and information to people who had spoken).

Because when a workshop is over, it ain't over.

After we all hang up, I head over to those comments and for the next few days I do my best to answer them.

It's great technology.  When I was your age we had to shout out the window! :-)  (Sorry about that. I couldn't resist.)

I just finished answering the comments from last night a few hours ago and I'm heading back to see if there are any more that just showed up. I want those questions. They remind me to talk about what I might not have included. They help me think even more deeply about new aspects of this huge problem called Resistance. And, like all good questions, they pull new information into the mix from everyone in the group. (Last night Patty told one of the attendees who longed to travel, but couldn't find a good-enough job to pay for her trips, about a totally perfect job that *included* travel (!) she'd learned about years ago. It took the person's breath away, and ours too. She's getting ready to contact the right people today.)

Did I say 'Isolation is the dream killer,' yet?

As far as I'm concerned, that beats the hell out of 'Just try harder,' or 'Build your will power!' or 'Sit down and do it!'

Those things never worked. Even athletes, who may be the hardest working, most 'disciplined' models of 'never stop trying,' have coaches to get them out of bed and on the track. As some anonymous wise person has reminded us, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

Isolation is the dream killer, folks. Don't do it yourself anymore. Time is not endless and dreams are important.


I have one more Resistance TeleWorkshop planned: January 12 of 2014. You can head over to and check it out.

(After that I really have to get to work on that book proposal.)